a recurring question.

I've been thinking a lot about passion recently. What I am passionate about, whether there is anything I am passionate about, how important I think passion is.

One question I have found myself repeatedly asking is linked loosely with passion, to me at least.

I noticed it on Tuesday night. I was sat in a room in one of the University buildings and we were half way through our Welsh class. I am younger than everyone in this class by a lot (weirdly the person I am closest in age to is the teacher of the class). Because of this, everyone in the class is a grown up with a job. All kinds of different jobs are represented in this little class of people trying to learn (or relearn) Welsh.

And what I've noticed is that, whenever someone tells me what they do for a living, one of the first questions I ask is "do you enjoy it?"

It wasn't until Tuesday that I realised how naive or youthful this might sound to someone. I've listened to the other conversations and I don't think that question is ever asked. Perhaps it's not something adults do?

I realise I'm 20 and am considered a grown up/adult by a lot of people but... I still ask that question. A question that's probably way too personal for a 20 year old to ask a 40 year old and is definitely a question that is not asked enough, ever.

When do you grow out of asking things like that? Of asking people if they enjoy what they do? It's such a common question when you meet another student. Even if you don't ask it in those words, you ask some variation of it. "How do you like your course?" "Is it fun?" - I wonder if it's us looking for reassurance, comparing our experience to someone else's. I wonder if that's what I'm really asking when I ask that question. If by asking "do you enjoy it?" I'm asking is it worth it? Are you glad you do it? Is it worth the hours, the pay, the time away from your family? Is it worth signing your freedom away for?

Maybe that's why I ask. I want to know it is worth it. I want to know that they are happy. I think that might be what we're all asking when we talk about our degrees. We ask if people are enjoying it but what we're really asking is if it's worth it. If it's worth the money. If they are happy with a choice that is/has/will dictate at least 3 years of their life. If it's what they thought it would be.

Students sometimes answer as if the real question had been asked. "Yeah but I'm not sure it's worth £9,000 a year." "Yeah but what am I going to have at the end of it?"

Adults always look surprised. Always. A lot of them have to think before they answer. They have to pause and wonder if the thing that fills 5 or 6 days of their week is enjoyable. Once when I asked, the answer was "well, I've been doing it for 23 years so I have to!" and I can't get that answer out of my head. He kept talking and joking and he obviously did enjoy his job. He seemed to enjoy the details that kept it interesting and it was fun to hear him talk about it, but still. That first answer. The joke-that-could-have-been-honesty.

I don't know much about what I want to do with my life. I'm not sure what career path I'm going to follow, what jobs I hope I have or where I want my life to end up. I don't know what I'm passionate about or what things I will enjoy doing in the future. There's a lot that's undecided.

What I do know is that in 20 or 30 or 40 years time if someone asks me if I enjoy what I do for a living, I don't want my answer to be "I have to."

I want my answer to be "of course."