Of Coffee: A recurring thought...

Have you ever had a moment where you look at your life and realise you've completely lost sight of who you are or what you want to do? I've been having those moments almost daily over the last couple of weeks. The answer to these feelings is change, a topic that seems to have consumed my mind recently. I had been thinking about what changes to make when I read this post from one of my absolute favourite bloggers and I started to think that perhaps I was trying to solve this in the wrong way. I started to think that instead of trying to find ways of making big changes, I should start taking care of myself. Being kind to myself. I've been thinking of how to start doing just that and I've come up with a few ideas.

I want to clean my room and keep it clean. I'm nearly always hiding my room away from the boys because of how untidy it is. I feel so much better when my room is tidy. I feel ordered and relaxed. It leaves my mind clear to focus on work and deadlines and it's always nice to come back to a tidy room after lectures.

I want to make the effort to go to archery sessions more often. The problem with them being 7 - 9 on a Monday and 9 - 12 on a Saturday is that they're either too early in the morning, I've gone home for the weekend or it's right before everyone goes to Oceana on a Monday night. I usually miss a lot of sessions because of this but every time I go back I remember just how much I love it and how happy it makes me. I need that in my life, especially when Uni work leaves me beyond stressed.

I want to actually organise my work and the time I spend writing it. I was up all night on Thursday trying to finish a practical report I had had two weeks to write and I submitted it online at 04:51am. The amount of stress I experienced that week was not healthy. I don't want to put myself through that again and I don't want my grade to rely on how well I can work with little sleep and not enough time.

I want to dance to songs that make me happy, every day.

I want to allow myself to develop rituals that give me moments of peace and solitude during the day. I remember one morning, I woke up, grabbed my breakfast and ate it while reading an unseen poem by one of my favourite poets. This was such a great way to start the day, I felt focused, happy and it felt good knowing that I had given myself those 10/15 minutes to relax at the start of the day.

I want to maintain the feeling of being at home here. I love living here. The friends I've made are some of the best people I've ever met. I love my room as well and how comfortable I feel when I'm here. On Sunday, I made myself the student version of a sunday lunch (chicken dippers, brocoli, cauliflower and carrots) and I was surprised at how happy it made me. Sunday lunches are standard at home and I don't think I'd realised how much I had been missing them. Even though it's no where near the same as it would be if my Mum or Granddad made it, I love that I'm in my own home making my own Sunday lunch. I didn't realise that that would be something important to me and my sense of home but now that I know it is, I want to keep that feeling.

I want to reevaluate the kind of people I let in to and allow to stay in, my life. Just after I came to University, I had a social media "cull"; I unfriended and unfollowed a whole bunch of people from Facebook and Twitter and it felt amazing. I was no longer being brought down by negative, misogynistic or mean tweets or status' and it left me feeling a lot lighter than before. I think I need to do that again. I don't like going on twitter and Facebook and having my good mood instantly obliterated. I don't want to read sly messages or negative messages or jokes that are sicker than they are funny. I don't need people in my life who are poisonous. I need people in my life who make me laugh and smile and who make me think. I want people who inspire me or support me. I don't want people that bring negativity, no matter how they do it.

I want to laugh as often and as loud as possible.